The Ah-ha Moment

One of my friends' parents just posted a picture of them sleeping. My friends just had a baby a couple weeks ago, and seeing that picture of them sleeping, I totally understand how good that sleep feels for them. But at the same time, I am so thankful Joe and I are not in that stage anymore.

Then the thought came to me, I wonder what it feels like watching your kids become parents themselves. As a parent, you do the best you can to teach your children what they need to know to be happy and successful in their own lives. Granted, I am only three years into this process, but I can only imagine what the years to come will be like, seeing as how these first three years have been more work than I ever anticipated.

But if I had to imagine what the years to come will be like, I think I could paint a good picture by reflecting back on what my growing up experience was like with my mom. Until recently, there were so many things I didn't understand about my relationship with my mom. I struggled and sometimes I was sad trying to make sense of some of my childhood experiences.

Well, now in my thirties (wamp wamp), I finally had that ah-ha moment about all of it. Everything my mom did when I was growing up, she did because it was the best way she knew how to help me have the best life possible. As a parent now, I realize, that my grandparents worked so hard so that their kids could have more than they did, my parents did the same for me, and Joe and I are working to build a good life for our children, so that they can the same for their families someday.

I feel such love and admiration for my mom for all the hard, hard work she invested in making me the person I am today. Not that I was such a terrible or rebelious child, but I know I didn't make it easy on her either. My mom moved here from Korea in her twenties, didn't speak English, and didn't know this new place she now called home. But she persevered, worked hard, and became educated. She is such a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman.

Sometimes I catch myself getting crazy with my boys. Joe said once he feels like he can see the tension flying back and forth between me and Oliver like lightning when I get upset with him. (This attribute comes from my dad.) All this to say, I wonder what things Oliver and Henry will tell their friends and wives about their wacky mom. I know they won't agree everything I do or I say to them as they are growing up.

I hope someday they will understand though why Joe and I did what we did and know that our intent was always to help them become the best version of themselves they can be. I know a lot of that will be up to them to do, but I hope they will know I love them with all of my heart, as does Joe, and what we did for them was to give them more than Joe and I had (not that what we had was bad - it wasn't). And I hope they will know how deeply Joe and I care for them - as we tell Oliver and Henry often, more than all the sand on the shores, more than all the stars in the sky...